Tag Archives: UC Riverside

Where Are the X-Men?!

Once upon a time...Professor Xavier pooped here...

At one point in time, the first floor Sproul restroom, as disgusting as it is, was home to none other than the X-Men restroom. This picture shown above is that restroom, except there, of course, was an “X -” in front of the men…

It looked a lot like this picture I found on Google actually.

Where have the mutants gone? Were they shunned from the UCR campus as how they are shunned from society? I strongly believe UCR, being a university that prides itself on it’s acceptance of a wide range of ethnicities, should come to accept mutants as well. Its injustices like this that push Magneto to destroy the Golden Gate Bridge and stuff like in that second movie.

Please UCR, I strongly advise, LET THE X-MEN POOP IN OUR RESTROOMS! BRING THE X-MEN RESTROOM BACK!
That is all.

"Wait! No! DON'T TAKE IT AWAY! My legs man. Bro..."

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Restroom Review: Sproul Hall (First Floor Men’s)

Background Info:

To my knowledge, every campus in the UC system has something Sproul, whether it be a building or a street, in honor of the eleventh president of the University of California. At UC Riverside, we of course have Sproul Hall, home to the twisty staircase, random section of rocks, and discussion sections. Being a building built in the honor of the Sproul name, you would expect honorable things out of its restrooms. Did the Sproul Hall men’s restroom make like Mulan and bring honor to its family?

The Layout: Upon opening the door I was greeted with another door. Why in the world would they go out of their way to insert an extra barrier?

Proceed...if you dare!

Proceeding on because I dared, I entered the restroom, or should I say, GLORIFIED PORTA-POTTY. This restroom is tiny and cramped. For a restroom that is built to have at least 4-5 occupants, this is pretty terrible. Now I get it…that second door was supposed to discourage me from going any further! I’ll award a point for the warning. Score: 1/5

This...this is cozy...

Cleanliness: Because this restroom is so small and cramped, it is susceptible to stuffiness – a deadly thing when it comes to restrooms. The air is so dense there’s probably thick microbial pieces of poop flying around in the air (I’m not a science major so don’t hold me to this statement). I felt like breathing in here would cause a poop build-up in my lungs (again, I’m not a science major).

Heading into the stall to inspect the toilet, I witnessed the nastiest yellow stain, like so nasty my pee would be too clean to make contact with it. See for yourself in the picture below. I’d also like to make a point that these images were taken at around 8:00 AM, so this is what the toilet starts out as in the BEGINNING of the day!

Hahaha...oh wait that's real? ...ugh.

The stalls in this restroom always have great graffiti on the walls. Though its not clean to the walls, it sure is entertaining sometimes, so I count it as a positive! This graffiti pictured was pretty up-beat, but it didn’t do enough to brighten my experience in this restroom. Score: 1/5

Better than a poop on my step I guess

Amenities: Well after witnessing the pee coated toilet seat with stuff floating in the water, I didn’t want to inspect the amenities in the stall any further. But let’s just ASSUME its the standard 1-ply toilet paper rolls that require at least 50 sheets to be able to withstand a single wipe, and lets HOPE that it is refilled along with the toilet seat covers (but a whole new toilet seat would be better). Score: 1/5

Privacy: Let me take this time to discuss one of my biggest pet peeves – URINALS WITH NO SIDE WALLS. I am one of those people who have trouble turning on the hose when at the urinal because I’m self conscious just if there is a guy staring at me from behind. Having no privacy from the sides makes this even worse! I don’t want some creeper angling his eyes to the side and seeing my stuff! I’m pretty sure 9 out of 10 guys will see someone using one of these urinals, and opt to use the stall instead of use the urinal next to them, awkward penguin style. The urinals are literally like 4 inches apart; what were they trying to promote here, peeing competitions?! You might as well combine the two urinals to make one gigantic urinal tub if you are going to put them that close, perhaps that way you can squeeze in a third guy. Speaking of the urinals, also note that in the picture one of the urinals still has pee in it. Yikes… Score: BIG FAT 0/5

WHY YOU NO SEPARATE!?

Closing Statements: To the honorable Mr. Sproul, I’m sorry but this restroom has brought dishonor to your family, and probably lung problems too. You truly deserved better, and I hope one day you get that restroom you deserve, one with a practical urinal setup, and at least a canister of Fabreeze.

THE VERDICT:

1/5 Toilets – “Vomitrocious”  


Restroom Review: MSE (Women’s)

If you’ve ever parked at the gold lot and walked to the MSE building, you know what a trek that can be. By the time I walk all the way across campus for my class, I usually have to take a potty break already. The MSE building is one of the newest ones on campus so one might expect the nicest, cleanest restrooms. My first experiences here were quite nice and it was one of my preferred restrooms on campus. However, the last couple times I’ve been there, it seems to have gone downhill just a bit.

Layout

When you walk in, the bathroom looks clean and simple. Sink and mirrors when you walk in, and one straight row of toilets. Score: 5/5

Cleanliness

Aside from the occasional toilet paper on the floor, this restroom is relatively clean compared to most. The sink area is usually clean, and floors still look pretty clean. Score: 4/5

Amenities

There are a total of 8 stalls. On this particular visit, 3 out of the 8 stalls were out of seat covers. Annoying but oh well, just walk to the next stall.

Automatic flush is great, though I usually flush with my foot anyway so it doesn’t really matter to me.

2 rolls of toilet paper, always better than 1.There are 3 sinks (not automatic, unfortunately, and neither are the soap dispensers). The 2 mirrors are a good size so you can check yourself out before class.

There are 3 paper towel dispensers, also manual. Though you’re supposed to use your elbow, most seem not to and there is usually water on the handle bar. The trash can is right next to the door, which is great so you can use your paper towel to open the door, hold it open with your foot, and throw away the paper towel on the way out so you don’t have to get your hands dirty. (Oh wait, am I the only one who does that…) Score: 4/5

Privacy

This building is not as busy as some of the others, though there can be quite a bit of traffic before and after classes. With the number of stalls and the layout of the restroom, I usually feel safe handling my potty business here. Though as with many other restrooms, there is that awkward time when it is completely quiet, you’re in a stall and someone is taking forever checking themselves out at the sink and can hear (and smell …) everything you’re doing. Every fart and plop. Score: 4/5

Conclusion

Personally I feel this restroom is not as great as it used to be, but is still cleaner and nicer than many on campus. The supplies could be better stocked, and you may find some trash on the floor but it really isn’t a bother. The restroom still feels clean and bright; no crazy tile colors here!

The Verdict

4/5  – Potty Break Approved


This Needs To Be Settled.

Friendly advice for the home and beyond

Please do not load toilet paper in this way.  The roll should flutter out freely from the front.  The toilet should be a pleasant experience for the user. When loaded improperly, the roll holder cuts our paper supply off prematurely, leaving little to no barrier between our spasming brown holes and our hands.

Valentine’s Day is coming up, so show a little love to your fellow human and put that toilet paper in right.


Restroom Review: HUB’s 3rd Floor (a BETTER one)

Background: As some of you probably do as well, I have one of those dreaded 8:10 a.m. classes. Because of this, I often find myself roaming around for a good napping spot after class. While I have a few preferred areas, this day I was beat to the punch by other fellow UCR nappers. As I was wandering around the 3rd floor of the HUB in search of a quiet and comfortable place to rest my eyes, I suddenly felt a rumbly in my tumbly and decide to take a quick (or maybe not so quick) pit stop. I stumbled upon a bathroom revelation….a SINGLE TOILET restroom! Let’s check it out…

For guys, girls, and handicaps!

Layout: As soon as I opened the door I realized I was in for a special treat. There in front of me stands one beautiful toilet. One sink. One paper towel dispenser. One EVERYTHING. This bathroom is made for ONE person! (at a time at least) I sure feel special! Score: 5/5

Perfect....just perfect...

Cleanliness: This restroom is obviously not very well known, which really surprised me with it being in one of the most popular buildings on campus. There are no paper towels on the floor; they’re actually in the trash can! (imagine that) No turds left floating for the next unsuspecting user. Not even any pee puddles left on the seat OR floor. Zilch! Nothing! Nada! I mean, it even SMELLS good…more on that later. Score: 5/5

Clean AND motion detected flush 🙂

Amenities: As soon as I walked into this restroom I noticed all of its state of the art bathroom equipment. Motion sensor toilet…check! Motion sensor faucet…check! Motion sensor paper towel dispenser…check! Things are looking on the up and up for this restroom. But it wasn’t until I was pleasantly relaxing on the old lavatory when I realized its true beauty. The motion activated AIR FRESHENER promptly sprayed some of its heavenly goodness into the air and right into my nostrils. Not only do I not have to smell other people’s poop, I don’t even have to smell my own! Score: 5/5

It sees me...

Privacy: Single…..toilet….bathroom….Don’t get me started on this again! I feel this bathroom was made just for ME! (or any other lucky pass byer for that matter) Score: 5/5

Closing Statement: This relatively unknown miracle of a bathroom is every public pooper’s dream-come-true. Because of this (and my immense generosity) I will even give you the short cut directions straight to it! In between the student services building and the HUB there is a set of outside stairs that lead to the 2nd floor of the HUB. However, don’t stop there. Look a bit harder and you’ll see MORE stairs that lead up to the 3rd floor of the HUB. Take no concern that I am leading you in through a fire escape, for that door leads to pure pooping ecstasy!

THE VERDICT:

5/5 Toilets – Pooper’s Paradise!


The HUB’s 3rd Floor Restroom

Whether your irritable bowel syndrome is acting up or that burrito from Habanero is bad as it looks, we all have a little piece of heaven waiting on the 3rd floor of the HUB.  Make no mistake, this is the Rolls-Royce of on-campus bathrooms.  Compared to the rest of campus, just walking up to the door of this bathroom is like a different world.  Filled with plush seats and places to lounge around, the area outside of the bathroom already feels downright fancy compared to the rest of the campus, like some world Rick Ross dreamt up.  The bathroom itself is well lit, well stocked, and always smelling of fresh urinal cakes and hand soap.  I take pleasure in the little things.

Let me be frank; if i ever have a sudden intestinal emergency this is my go to bathroom.  There is no shame in that statement.

The Layout

On the first impression, this bathroom sets itself apart from the pack.  First of all, the lights work, and as far as I can tell they’re new.  There are more than enough sinks, and unlike the rest of campus, the spacing of everything is pretty intelligent.  No awkward rubbing shoulders and other crap in this bathroom.  An added plus, there are no creepy corners or places for bathroom predators to attack you here.

 Pro photography skills, you can’t see me in the mirror.

The bathroom proper is HUGE.  Again, intelligent spacing, and more than adequate facilities.  With the kind of leg room you’ve got outside and in the stalls, if this place was an airplane, then everyone is riding first class.

There’s only one complaint that I could muster about this bathroom: What the hell is going on with the tile choice?  Seriously if you showed me that pattern, I’d think you were trying to decide on some decoration for a convalescent home or…some pseudo-tetris/snake game that you could play with your fellow bathroom-mates.  It’s just proof that even paradise has its flaws.

4/5

Cleanliness

For all you Occupy UCRers, if you’re wondering what useful things your tuition dollars are going to, the cleanliness of this bathroom is at the top of the list.  Spotless, the janitorial crew is definitely earning their money on this one.  For narcissists like me, being able to see your reflection in the chrome of the urinal is a very nice feature of any bathroom, and believe me, this shit is photo-realistic.  It seems like this bathroom is the last place on campus where some form of moral law has survived, the bathroom is clean, so no one cares to take the time out of their day to screw this nice little equilibrium up.  No skid marks on the toilets, no evidence of golden showers all over the floor, and no seas of yellow with massive paper leviathins and crap monstrosities clogging the toilets.  If a higher power exists, please let this bathroom stay this way.

5/5

Amenities

This bathroom comes with four beautiful, well-equipped sinks featuring the newest in soap dispensing technology and towel dispensers that operate on pure magic, or maybe a hand sensor.  The towels never run out, the water stays warm, and the soap is  nice and foamy, abolishing any fears of someone finding a way to spit into it.  In front of the sinks is a huge mirror, perfect for all the look-at-yourself activities that your day requires.

I didn’t bother to count the amount of urinals and toilets, there’s too many.  Estimated caloric burn walking from toilet 1 to toilet n = 1000 calories.  And to make the journey to the end of the bathroom all the better, there is the freaking presidential suite stall.  I think it’s actually reserved for handicapped people, but in those moments of moral ambiguity that we experience after that grueling midterm (or that Habanero burrito), taking that stall is all right.

So what, you ask, could possibly top this off?  How about one of those baby-changing tables with the hilariously cute koala wearing the diaper on it?!  Yep.  Got it.  Right in front of the presidential suite stall.  You’re welcome, America.

5/5

Privacy

I won’t even need to waste time on this section.  You could assume a proper sumo stance at the urinals if you wanted to and your fear of having someone walk in at that exact moment would be practically zero.  This bathroom is, for whatever reason, still a generally unknown gem.  There may be a total of 50 people that come through here in a day.  Everyone respects each other’s privacy, so let’s just keep it that way.

5/5

Conclusion

I can’t promise that your next test will go well, that you will find your dream job, or find a girl at the next party, but I can make you one promise: Should that dreary day come that your stomach is bubbling, gas flying out of your anus like its Chevron, sweat dribbling down your face as you become doubtful that you’ll make it to the bathroom, just take solace in the fact that you don’t have to decide on a bathroom.

The Verdict:

5/5

If you need a bathroom

Urine Luck.