Tag Archives: HUB

This Needs To Be Settled.

Friendly advice for the home and beyond

Please do not load toilet paper in this way.  The roll should flutter out freely from the front.  The toilet should be a pleasant experience for the user. When loaded improperly, the roll holder cuts our paper supply off prematurely, leaving little to no barrier between our spasming brown holes and our hands.

Valentine’s Day is coming up, so show a little love to your fellow human and put that toilet paper in right.

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Restroom Review: HUB’s 3rd Floor (a BETTER one)

Background: As some of you probably do as well, I have one of those dreaded 8:10 a.m. classes. Because of this, I often find myself roaming around for a good napping spot after class. While I have a few preferred areas, this day I was beat to the punch by other fellow UCR nappers. As I was wandering around the 3rd floor of the HUB in search of a quiet and comfortable place to rest my eyes, I suddenly felt a rumbly in my tumbly and decide to take a quick (or maybe not so quick) pit stop. I stumbled upon a bathroom revelation….a SINGLE TOILET restroom! Let’s check it out…

For guys, girls, and handicaps!

Layout: As soon as I opened the door I realized I was in for a special treat. There in front of me stands one beautiful toilet. One sink. One paper towel dispenser. One EVERYTHING. This bathroom is made for ONE person! (at a time at least) I sure feel special! Score: 5/5

Perfect....just perfect...

Cleanliness: This restroom is obviously not very well known, which really surprised me with it being in one of the most popular buildings on campus. There are no paper towels on the floor; they’re actually in the trash can! (imagine that) No turds left floating for the next unsuspecting user. Not even any pee puddles left on the seat OR floor. Zilch! Nothing! Nada! I mean, it even SMELLS good…more on that later. Score: 5/5

Clean AND motion detected flush 🙂

Amenities: As soon as I walked into this restroom I noticed all of its state of the art bathroom equipment. Motion sensor toilet…check! Motion sensor faucet…check! Motion sensor paper towel dispenser…check! Things are looking on the up and up for this restroom. But it wasn’t until I was pleasantly relaxing on the old lavatory when I realized its true beauty. The motion activated AIR FRESHENER promptly sprayed some of its heavenly goodness into the air and right into my nostrils. Not only do I not have to smell other people’s poop, I don’t even have to smell my own! Score: 5/5

It sees me...

Privacy: Single…..toilet….bathroom….Don’t get me started on this again! I feel this bathroom was made just for ME! (or any other lucky pass byer for that matter) Score: 5/5

Closing Statement: This relatively unknown miracle of a bathroom is every public pooper’s dream-come-true. Because of this (and my immense generosity) I will even give you the short cut directions straight to it! In between the student services building and the HUB there is a set of outside stairs that lead to the 2nd floor of the HUB. However, don’t stop there. Look a bit harder and you’ll see MORE stairs that lead up to the 3rd floor of the HUB. Take no concern that I am leading you in through a fire escape, for that door leads to pure pooping ecstasy!

THE VERDICT:

5/5 Toilets – Pooper’s Paradise!


The HUB’s 3rd Floor Restroom

Whether your irritable bowel syndrome is acting up or that burrito from Habanero is bad as it looks, we all have a little piece of heaven waiting on the 3rd floor of the HUB.  Make no mistake, this is the Rolls-Royce of on-campus bathrooms.  Compared to the rest of campus, just walking up to the door of this bathroom is like a different world.  Filled with plush seats and places to lounge around, the area outside of the bathroom already feels downright fancy compared to the rest of the campus, like some world Rick Ross dreamt up.  The bathroom itself is well lit, well stocked, and always smelling of fresh urinal cakes and hand soap.  I take pleasure in the little things.

Let me be frank; if i ever have a sudden intestinal emergency this is my go to bathroom.  There is no shame in that statement.

The Layout

On the first impression, this bathroom sets itself apart from the pack.  First of all, the lights work, and as far as I can tell they’re new.  There are more than enough sinks, and unlike the rest of campus, the spacing of everything is pretty intelligent.  No awkward rubbing shoulders and other crap in this bathroom.  An added plus, there are no creepy corners or places for bathroom predators to attack you here.

 Pro photography skills, you can’t see me in the mirror.

The bathroom proper is HUGE.  Again, intelligent spacing, and more than adequate facilities.  With the kind of leg room you’ve got outside and in the stalls, if this place was an airplane, then everyone is riding first class.

There’s only one complaint that I could muster about this bathroom: What the hell is going on with the tile choice?  Seriously if you showed me that pattern, I’d think you were trying to decide on some decoration for a convalescent home or…some pseudo-tetris/snake game that you could play with your fellow bathroom-mates.  It’s just proof that even paradise has its flaws.

4/5

Cleanliness

For all you Occupy UCRers, if you’re wondering what useful things your tuition dollars are going to, the cleanliness of this bathroom is at the top of the list.  Spotless, the janitorial crew is definitely earning their money on this one.  For narcissists like me, being able to see your reflection in the chrome of the urinal is a very nice feature of any bathroom, and believe me, this shit is photo-realistic.  It seems like this bathroom is the last place on campus where some form of moral law has survived, the bathroom is clean, so no one cares to take the time out of their day to screw this nice little equilibrium up.  No skid marks on the toilets, no evidence of golden showers all over the floor, and no seas of yellow with massive paper leviathins and crap monstrosities clogging the toilets.  If a higher power exists, please let this bathroom stay this way.

5/5

Amenities

This bathroom comes with four beautiful, well-equipped sinks featuring the newest in soap dispensing technology and towel dispensers that operate on pure magic, or maybe a hand sensor.  The towels never run out, the water stays warm, and the soap is  nice and foamy, abolishing any fears of someone finding a way to spit into it.  In front of the sinks is a huge mirror, perfect for all the look-at-yourself activities that your day requires.

I didn’t bother to count the amount of urinals and toilets, there’s too many.  Estimated caloric burn walking from toilet 1 to toilet n = 1000 calories.  And to make the journey to the end of the bathroom all the better, there is the freaking presidential suite stall.  I think it’s actually reserved for handicapped people, but in those moments of moral ambiguity that we experience after that grueling midterm (or that Habanero burrito), taking that stall is all right.

So what, you ask, could possibly top this off?  How about one of those baby-changing tables with the hilariously cute koala wearing the diaper on it?!  Yep.  Got it.  Right in front of the presidential suite stall.  You’re welcome, America.

5/5

Privacy

I won’t even need to waste time on this section.  You could assume a proper sumo stance at the urinals if you wanted to and your fear of having someone walk in at that exact moment would be practically zero.  This bathroom is, for whatever reason, still a generally unknown gem.  There may be a total of 50 people that come through here in a day.  Everyone respects each other’s privacy, so let’s just keep it that way.

5/5

Conclusion

I can’t promise that your next test will go well, that you will find your dream job, or find a girl at the next party, but I can make you one promise: Should that dreary day come that your stomach is bubbling, gas flying out of your anus like its Chevron, sweat dribbling down your face as you become doubtful that you’ll make it to the bathroom, just take solace in the fact that you don’t have to decide on a bathroom.

The Verdict:

5/5

If you need a bathroom

Urine Luck.